At the Car Wash

I was at the car wash this morning. And it seems I just can’t get away from politics these days. Right there in the car wash, a few minutes ago, it smacked me right in the face.

But first, a little back story:

  • The car wash is owned by a Russian.
  • He hires Jamaicans and blacks to wash the cars.
  • He hires females to work the cash register
  • The females are Muslims.

Not sure, but I might’ve just violated all of the terms of the P.C. Manual by not calling them individuals or persons. Probably should’ve used sanitized nouns. Probably puts me in the same boat with Donald Trump and his allies. Paints me as a russo-phobe, jama-phobe, musli-phobe, racist, and mysoginist. I’m sure sexist is somewhere between the lines, as well as Nazi. And if any of the aforementioned are queer, please throw in homo-phobe.

So, I guess, I’m all of those things.

$7 Car Wash

But getting back to the story …

My car wash costs $7. I tip the guys $5 on the way in and $5 on the way out. That’s right, I tip more than the price of the car wash. That’s because these guys don’t make a lotta money. They perform a service for me. And I reward anyone who performs a service for me with a cash remuneration.

Enter Stage Left: The Millennial

16-dirty-laundrySo this morning I get there and there’s a millennial in front of me – male, between 22 and 24 from my estimation. And he’s in the process of laying out his dirty laundry. And laying it out in high volume. Don Henley would’ve proud of him.

Grinning and bragging. It pretty much went like this:

“My mother wants to charge me $200 a month to continue living in her house. She’s crazy if she thinks I’m going to pay her $200 per month. She should let me stay there for free. She’s crazy.”

This is where I reached the register. And as the cashier was processing my payment, the cashier and I exchanged glances. Curious glances.

If you don’t know me well, here’s three things you should know about me:

  1. I don’t kiss ass.
  2. I speak my mind.
  3. I don’t lie.

So, since he’s obviously making this diatribe public, I decide to throw in my two cents:

“She should throw your ass out.”

He pretended not to hear, so I repeated:

“She should throw your ass out.”

“She’s crazy,” the millennial replied.

“I know your mother,” the cashier says. “She comes in here all the time. She’s not crazy.”

“She’s crazy if she thinks I’m going to pay her $200 a month.”

“Based on what I’m hearing, coming out of your mouth, she should throw your ass out.”

“It’s time for you to accept responsibility,” the cashier adds. “You have to pay your own way in life.”

“She’s crazy.”

At that point, growing tired of the endless loop, I stepped outside to get away from the nonsense. But no more than a minute later, the young democrat stepped outside. He tried to engage me in banal conversation by commenting on the shirt I was wearing. Not wanting to be rude, I nodded and mumbled. But I didn’t want to say anything that he’d soon regret. So I kept my mouth shut.

However, the tip-box was about a foot away from both of us. I already had a $5 in my hand, but didn’t see any cash in his hands.

Hmmm … I wondered … Wonder if this joker’s going to leave a tip? I’m betting not.

So his car came out and the car wash guys started drying the outside and cleaning the inside … And then it was ready. And, as expected, the joker walked right past the tip-box, hopped in his car, and drove away.

While the guys were finishing my car, I poked my head back inside.

“By the way,” I told the female Muslim cashier, “he didn’t leave a tip.”

“Figures,” was her reply.

Car Wash Movie

If you never saw the movie, it’s a fun watch. The trailer is below. Lotta names you might recognize:

  • Brooke Adams
  • Sully Boyar
  • George Carlin
  • Irwin Corey
  • Ivan Dixon
  • Antonio Fargas
  • Lorraine Gray
  • Jack Kehoe
  • Garrett Morris
  • Pointer Sisters
  • Richard Pryor
  • Otis Sistrunk

Danny DeVito was in the original movie, but most of his scenes got cut. They were restored in the TV version. So depending on which version you watch, you may see him, or you may not.

born to be wild imageLike Superman, I believe in Truth, Justice, and the American Way. I’m a registered Republican. I voted for Donald Trump. And I approve of this message.

And, oh yeah, I wrote a book called Born to Be Wild. Available at Amazon in paperback or digital editions. Currently discounted.

And I’m in the process of fictionalizing the book. Trying to transform it into a series aimed at Netflix.

Written by Barry Bowe
Former sportswriter - first to put Timmy Duncan's name on the sports page.

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