It’s with heavy heart that I’m officially announcing my retirement.

For anyone who may not know: I started working at Pinocchio’s Restaurant in Media at about the same time the Sixers were making a run to the NBA Finals.

It seems like yesterday that I was watching Allen Iverson lead a group of over-achievers to Game 5. But believe it or not, that run took place in 2001 – which is slightly more than 15 years ago – and that’s the longest I ever worked anywhere.

I delivered pizza. Great cash-flow – especially if you’re a free-lance writer who never knows when his next pay-day is coming. Loved my job, met dozens of characters throughout the years – some interesting and some bizarre. Liked a few co-workers – even though I often had to explain that just because someone worked with me didn’t mean I had to talk to them.

Delivered to regular customers like:

1. Tug McGraw
2. Harry Kalas
3. Phil Martelli

A lot happened during those 15 years:

• 2001 – Sixers lost in five games to L.A. Lakers in NBA Finals.
• 2004 – Eagles lost 24-21 to New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXIX.
• 2007 – Suffered a heart attack.
• 2008 – Hip-replacement surgery.
• 2008 – Tuff Guy persona born.
• 2008 – Phillies won World Series over Tampa Bay Rays in five games.
• 2009 – Other hip replaced.
• 2009 – Phillies lost World Series to New York Yankees in six games.
• 2014 – Life-threatened after CVS mistakenly double-dosed blood thinners.
• 2015 – Spent 9½ hours on the operating table undergoing cardiac ablation.

While my health is fine, walking hurts like – pardon my French – like a sonavabitch.

Unfortunately, delivering pizza requires walking a mile-or-so every night and going up and down 200-or-so stairs. The area around my hips is constantly inflamed and painful, and my knees – more French – hurt like a pair of motherfuckers.

So that’s it. I’m retiring from Pinocchio’s.

Retirement

Retirement is defined as the action of leaving one’s job and ceasing to work.

In my case, only the first part of that definition applies. Ceasing to work is incongruent with my core – don’t like the proverbial grass growing under my feet. Instead, I’ll be channeling my work in three directions:

1 – Writing and maximizing income potential – instead of treating it like a hobby. Trying to get Born to Be Wild transformed into a Netflix series.

2 – Begin acting lessons at the Philadelphia Acting Studio under the tutelage of Bernard Glincosky.

3 – Begin stand-up comedy lessons with Brad Trackman at the Helium Comedy Club.

As has been erroneously-rumored, I will not be entering the MMA’s Senior Citizen Division and fighting in Atlantic City over Labor Day Weekend. Nor will I be entering law school to become a trial-lawyer – although both pursuits crossed my mind.

I’ll make additional announcements as things begin happening – and I’ll probably get a dog.

In addition to being the official Eagles Outsider for BlameMyFather.com, Barry Bowe is also the author of:

• Born to Be Wild
• 1964 – The Year the Phillies Blew the Pennant
• 12 Best Eagles QBs
• Birth of the Birds
• Soon-to-be-published sexy, police procedural Caribbean Queen
• Soon-to-be-published novel Stosh Wadzinski
• Soon-to-be-published novel Polish Widow