Make your own hours, generate income, ideal for moonlighters. More than 2,000,000 people drive for Lyft to spread the icing on top of their household incomes. And I’m one of those people.

Triple Shifting

I decide to triple-shift today to take advantage of the Lyft bonuses offered. Start from 5 to 6 a.m. Back out from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. And back out from 9:30 to midnight.

First Shift

It’s a bitter 16 degrees at 5 a.m. in Philadelphia. I get 5 rides between 5 & 5:55 a.m.

Two riders are regulars. One is a female going home after an overnight shift at a Wawa. The other is a male going to work at Target in Springfield. The third is a new male rider going to a rural location in Chichester.

Those three rides trigger a bonus. So I go home.

Second Shift

The temperature’s all the way up to 20 degrees by 5:30, but it’s pitch black. My 3 rides trigger another bonus, but they take me into 3 bad neighborhoods.

First, I pick up a young man near Nifty Fifty’s on MacDade Boulevard. He’s going to Parkside Avenue in West Philly. If you read my post earlier in the week about the 2 punks trying to carjack a Lyft driver, this is the same block where that happened.

Next I pick up a young black female – pretty, sexy, dressed to kill – on Osage Avenue in West Philly.

If Osage Avenue doesn’t ring a bell, that’s the street where, in 1985, Philadelphia mayor Wilson Goode ordered the police force to drop a firebomb on a home occupied by a group of radical MOVE activists.The explosion turned the block into a raging wildfire that consumed several homes.

Dropped her at a party in Drexel Hill, which is a nice neighborhood.

Next, right around the corner I pick up a fine young man. He’s going to a West Philly, making an out-and-back round trip. We have a nice chat on the way there. His destination is just a block above Market Street in West Philly. This is a drug neighborhood, and he’s buying.

Going back home to Drexel Hill, he talks on the phone to his girlfriend, a Cuban chica living in Fort Pierce, FL. They’re working out travel arrangements for her trip to Philly next week.

Third Shift

At 9 p.m., I pick up elderly black gentleman on MacDade in Glenolden, across the street from Pep Boys. He’s going to the Walmart in Eddystone. If you’ve been out of the area, the Walmart’s is on Chester Pike across from the old bowling alley and Chester Pike Drive In.

At 9:20 p.m., I pick up a young female employee at Wendy’s on MacDade. The restaurant’s closed for the night. It used to be open until 2 a.m. But now it closes at 9 because they’re short of help.

She’s going to West Philly.

I need one more ride to collect a bonus, but getting that ride is like pulling teeth. And I don’t get one until I’m back near Springfield High.

Finally, I pick up a young couple and one of their friends. They’re sitting in a parked car, waiting. They’re doing the avoid the DUI Special by taking Lyft to Barnaby’s in Aston, rather than driving.

I’m feeling a little warm as we drive. So I ask them if it’s too hot. They say, “No, it’s toasty. Just right.” This is important foreshadowing for the next ride.

With my third bonus of the day in the bank, I decide to quit. But I’m a good 10 miles from home. Should I go straight home? Or try to get a Destination Ride home?

What the hell, let’s try to get another ride.

Right across the street from Crozer Hospital in Chester, I pick up a young female. She’s under 20, a faux muz dressed in the full uniform. She’s wearing am ankle-length smock, a hood, and a mask. Her destination says a certain number on MacDade Boulevard, but no town mentioned.

MacDade’s about 8 miles long. I know it inside & out. But the number means nothing, especially since the numbering changes in every town along the way. I’m trying to determine a landmark, so I ask her where’s she’s going.

“Don’t you have a GPS?” she says in a smart-ass tone. “Look for it on the GPS.”

I wanta pull over and say. “Get the fuck out … you ignorant … arrogant … piece of shit.” But of course I keep my mouth shut and keep driving.

She keeps turning the back light on and off. Don’t ask me why. Then she starts spouting scripture about HER god being my only chance of salvation. I still keep my mouth shut.

Then she keeps asking me how long until we get there?

And then she asks if I can turn up the heat. I tell her the heat’s turned up. Remember the foreshadow I mentioned? My last riders said it was toasty warm. But she tells me she can’t feel the heat.

I have a digital display on the dashboard. So I point out that the heat’s set for 76 in front and 80 in back.

Next she asks if I can make a phone call for her.

Let’s see. You treated me like shit so far, but now you want a favor? I could make that phone call for her. Instead, I say, “Sorry. I’m not allowed to make or take phone calls. It distracts from my driving.”

As you sow … so shall you reap.

The ride ends a minute later.

When every ride ends, Lyft sends a message asking if you’d like to pick up the rider again. For the first time ever, I click “No.”