From the Desk of Eagles Outsider Barry Bowe

Dear Jeff:

Enclosed, please find my short résumé for the position of general manager of the Philadelphia Eagles football team. While fully aware that the position is currently occupied by one Charles “Chip” Kelly, I am also aware – as is almost every Eagles fan throughout the universe – that Mr. Kelly is both over-matched and incompetent in that capacity.

My objective is single-minded: to transform the Eagles into Super Bowl champions as quickly as possible.

With that in mind, I offer a perfect solution for your current dilemma.

Please understand that I have no formal experience as an NFL general manager – but neither did Mr. Kelly when you hired him.

IDIOSYNCRATIC ENVIRONMENT

In that regard, however, I have been observing football operations for better than sixty years and I promise you that, together with a new head coach of my choosing, we will create an idiosyncratic environment that will encourage and allow every player to maximize his potential while a member of the Eagles. That style of management is in stark contrast to Mr. Kelly’s autocratic/dictatorial style and will produce far better results – and there will be no more “my way or the highway” mentality hanging over the players’ heads.

Instead, we will solicit input from the players and utilize anything and everything that might prove to be helpful in improving our situation.

Unlike what you’ve experienced during the interview process while hiring your last two coaches, there will be no horse-and-pony show, nor will there be a song-and-dance routine. Unlike those two predecessors, I don’t sell snake oil. There is just my word to deliver – not by using a method I invented, but rather by using an amalgam of combinations and permutations of methods formulated by successful general managers whom I’ve observed over the years:

• Vince McNally guided the Eagles to the NFL championship in 1960.
• Bobby Beathard guided the Chiefs to one Super Bowl; the Dolphins to three Super Bowls – winning two; the Redskins to three Super Bowls – winning two; and the Chargers to one Super Bowl
• John McVay guided the 49ers to five Super Bowl championships.

HEAD COACH

In regard to my selection of a new coach, he will be cast from the molds of Don Shula, Bill Walsh, and Dick Vermeil:

Someone with a well-defined method of operation – yet someone who can adapt to changes in the situations and circumstances that will certainly arise, as they arise, and will quickly modify the application of the methodology to best pursue and accomplish the objectives.

That implies someone who:

• Is a visionary.
• Can think on his feet in the midst of battle.
• Can remain one step ahead of the opposition – rather than one step behind.
• Will take an interest in his players as individuals and human beings.
• Can and will work with talented players even though he may find those individuals to be personally abhorrent to him.
• Understand the importance of time-management.
• Understand the importance of clock-management.
• Puts the team’s success over and above his own ego.

Several individuals fit those parameters and I will hire one such individual.

QUARTERBACK SITUATION

Realizing that Mr. Kelly has set the franchise back several years by trading away Nick Foles for Sam Bradford, I will deliver a franchise quarterback for the beginning of the 2016 season. I realize that you may be asking: How is that possible?

Please let me explain.

When I was learning the ins and outs of the world of football, there was no free agency. General managers validated their existence by manufacturing trades. To wit, Eagles GM Vince McNally traded offensive lineman Buck Lansford and defensive back Jimmy Harris to the Los Angeles Rams in exchange for quarterback Norm Van Brocklin in 1958. That same Norm Van Brocklin led the Eagles to the NFL championship just two years hence.

Vince McNally found a way to make that trade happen. That’s what a good GM can do – and that’s exactly what I will do for your Eagles.

There is at least one Norm Van Brocklin in the NFL right now who can be acquired via trade. I will both identify him and create a trade to acquire him.

I further promise:

• Not to get rid of an explosive wide receiver like DeSean Jackson unless I have someone of equal ability to replace him.
• Not to trade a quality running back like LeSean McCoy unless I have someone of equal ability to replace him – and definitely not by acquiring damaged goods in exchange.
• Not to trade a 26-year-old quarterback in the last year of a rookie contract – and who just two seasons back threw for 27 touchdowns while throwing just two interceptions – for a career sub-500, $13-million quarterback with an injury history that precluded his playing for most of the past two seasons.
• Not to rid the team of two experienced offensive linemen – unless I replace them adequately.
• Not to trade a nickel-back like Brandon Boykin because I thought he was too small to play the position – once again, unless I had an adequate replacement.
• Not to draft a player like Marcus Smith in the first round of the draft – or for that matter, in any round.
• To be unpredictable on offense.
• To allow my quarterback to audible.
• To run more plays with the quarterback under center.
• To run play-action passes with the quarterback under center.
• To have a quarterback capable of running quarterback-sneaks in short-yardage situations.
• To throw more passes down-field.
• Not to throw a pass behind the line of scrimmage on a third-and-nine with the game on the line and in enemy territory – and especially not to throw that kind of pass to the short side of the field.
• Not to replace my injured kicker with a kicker who was cut by another team due to an injury of his own.
• I would say “not to favor players I coached in college” – but I never coached in college. But I’m sure you get my point.

MY SECRET WEAPON

Because I lack experience as an NFL general manager, other GMs throughout the league might think they could take advantage of my inexperience. But nothing could be further from the truth. Without realizing it, they would be dealing with someone who’s dumb like a fox.

Surrounding myself with one or two seasoned executives who possessed the experience I lack would more than compensate for any deficiencies on my part. Such seasoned executives are out there and I’ll find them. My inexperience would thus become my secret weapon.

 WRAP UP

To be perfectly frank, you gave the general manager’s job to man with no prior experience – and for no practical reason whatsoever. There’s no doubt in my mind that I could step in tomorrow and do a far superior job than the incumbent.

In closing, I offer the proverbial – pardon my French – bullshit walks. Jeff, you’ve been victimized by the profound bullshit of Mr. Charles Kelly. It’s time to let the bullshit walk.

Start over – and start over with a winner.

Respectfully and ardently submitted.

Barry Bowe

P.S. – Tuesdays are best for me, but I can rearrange my schedule to make it convenient for you. But get your ass in gear because time’s a-wasting. I need to start looking for the franchise quarterback ASAP.

Barry Bowe

barrybowe44@gmail.com

OBJECTIVE

To secure the position of General Manager of the Philadelphia Eagles.

NFL FOOTBALL EXPERIENCE

Observing NFL Football from 1949 to the Present

• First Game – In person: Chuck Bednarik’s first game with the Eagles in 1949
• Last Game – Via TV: the Eagles 27-16 loss to the Carolina Panthers on October 25, 2015.
• NFL Participant Pass Holder from 1958 thru 1968 – which meant observing the 1960 NFL Championship season on the field, behind the end zone, in the open end of the horseshoe at Franklin Field.
• Manhattan Resident from 1968 thru 1970 when the New York Jets won Super Bowl III in 1968 – attended and watched every game.
• South Florida Resident from 1972 thru 1978 when the Miami Dolphins won Super Bowls VII and VIII and completed the only Perfect Season in NFL history – and worked out with All-Pros Bob Kuechenberg and Jim Langer.
• Eagles Season-Ticket Holder from 1979 thru 1984 – sitting in the 700 level.
• Watched almost every Eagles game on TV from 1985 thru the Present.

NON-NFL FOOTBALL EXPERIENCE

From the age of four, I grew up in football locker rooms and on the sidelines – observing everything from players walking around in jockstraps, to pep talks, to running water buckets onto the field during time-outs.

I then played football in high school for an undefeated team that owned the longest winning streak in the state of Pennsylvania. I also played in college and played against two NFL Hall of Famers:

• Roger Staubach
• Floyd Little

And some fifty years ago, I challenged Vince Papale to play me one-on-one. He accepted the challenge and we played.

During all those years, I’ve observed successful and unsuccessful organizations and I can differentiate between which is which. I thus promise to use the successful methods I’ve observed and to eschew the unsuccessful ones.

In addition to being the official Eagles Outsider for BlameMyFather.com, Barry Bowe is also the author of:

• Born to Be Wild
• 1964 – The Year the Phillies Blew the Pennant
• 12 Best Eagles QBs
• Birth of the Birds
• Soon-to-be-published sexy, police procedural Caribbean Queen
• Soon-to-be-published novel Stosh Wadzinski
• Soon-to-be-published novel Polish Widow