But myself, as well as the majority of my fellow Americans, have just witnessed a horrific miscarriage of justice. Last week, ABC axed Last Man Standing after six seasons and with the show still earning high ratings.
Politics. That show was one of the last bastions of conservative bent on the three major networks. And now it’s gone.
It’s no secret that I support Donald Trump. So that’s where Tim Allen and I cross paths.
It’s no secret that I’m trying to get Netflix to purchase my project entitled 21 Years. And, in my opinion, 21 Years is the best crime saga ever written. But I’m biased, of course. In my opinion, Netflix should be knocking on my door, instead of vice versa.
Here I am pitching my show to the Netflix bigwigs out in Hollywood. It goes like this …
“Please, call me Barry.”
“As you wish, uh, Barry. We here at Netflix think that 21 Years looks like the greatest crime saga ever written.”
“And we here at Netflix are willing to offer you a king’s ransom for the rights to 21 Years.”
“Sounds like I hear a ‘but’ coming.”
“But, uh, Barry, we understand that you support Donald Trump. Is that correct?”
“Are you familiar with the cliche about the bear and the woods?”
[a forced chuckle] “Of course.”
“Then apply that here as my response.”
“I see. But if you support Donald Trump, we here at Netflix would have to pass on 21 Years.”
“Your loss, not mine.”
“But all you have to do is disavow your allegiance to Donald Trump. And you can lie if you wish. We won’t include that information in any of our corporate emails. [forced chuckle] If you just agree to do that, uh, Barry, we will buy 21 Years for hundreds of thousands of dollars.”
“Gentlemen,” I say. “You can’t buy me. Go fuck yourselves.”
“But look at all the money you’ll be forfeiting.”
“As my mother was wont to say, ‘Gentlemen, stick that money where the sun don’t shine.’ If money mattered to me, I’d be a Democratic politician in Washington.”
This is why I give myself about a 2% chance of selling 21 Years this season. But, Tim, I’m with you. You’re no longer the last man standing.